Where does a man turn to when all he feels is pain inside? When grown men cry, they are usually looked at as weak. Depending on the situation, some would deem it okay for a man to shed tears. For example, no one can blame a man for sobbing over the death of a loved one. But is that the only time a grown man is supposed to cry? What if a man never learns how to deal with his emotions like he should? Follow me on this journey as I explore the real struggles of being a man.
The Father Filled Man
Most men who grow up with good men in their lives carry a great sense of pride. Good men normally have a way about them that teaches young men how to overcome the obstacles life hands them. Fathers don’t only teach through their words. Actions usually speak the loudest when it comes to good men. Think about a loving father who goes to work everyday to put food on the table for his family. If that man acts as the head of household then that influence normally has a great impact on the children who look up to him. This strong presence is essential for a young man’s development.
Not only do fathers have great influence, but uncles and older cousins do as well. There is nothing like a mans love in a young person’s heart. I have had friends who wouldn’t dare do certain things because they would always say things like “My dad would kill me if he found out.” Or, “What would my uncle think of me if I were to do this?” I will say this again, there is absolutely nothing like a father’s love in a child’s life. It can make or break the self esteem in a child. With a solid support system behind him, I believe there are absolutely no limits to how far a man can go in his life.
The Fatherless Man
Most men I know who grow up without a father usually end up going to prison or dying early in life. I am not saying that a mother cannot raise a child by herself. I am saying that having a strong father figure in the home normally has a greater impact on the child’s success as an adult. This goes with their career, friendships, and with their intimate relationships as well.
Men usually coach their sons into being a man and toughening up about his issues. But where does a man turn to when he no longer has the strength to be tough? Most men turn to drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism. Some men even turn to gambling abuse. There are also some who turn to abusing their spouse or overeating. All of these things can have very negative consequences. My question is this, where does a man turn to when he has his back up against the wall and doesn’t know what to do.
It’s so easy for someone to say “He better man up and figure it out.” Especially when that person hasn’t experienced the same hardships. There are so many factors that play a part in a man’s emotional issues. I honestly think it all comes down to how children are raised. As I mentioned earlier, having a strong support system means everything. Think about how women communicate with other women. They normally don’t let pride get in the way of anything they have to say or do. So how does a man relate to a woman when she is emotionally based and the man is logically based?
I think the great Frederick Douglass said it best. “It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” I would agree with this statement 100%. If you’ve ever ran into a defeated man then you know that it’s near impossible to get him to see life in a positive light again unless he really has a strong desire to turn his life around. Too many men grow older and get stuck in their ways.
I have talked to too many men who have given up on life because they keep looking for someone else to believe in them when no one else will. The x-factor to that is, they quit believing in themselves. Even their parents gave up on them long ago. Society will tell you no one cares if a grown man cries about his problems. People only expect men to be strong and fix their own issues.
This is why I am such an advocate of parents, and other family members for learning how to uplift and encourage young people in their families. Too many parents see young people in their families get in trouble and then they curse them or write them off as a problem child. This vicious cycle has to stop. It’s time for parents to take a long hard look in the mirror and accept responsibility for how our children turn out.
So where can a man go when he feels pain? I suggest dropping your pride and getting into the nearest self help group available. Let’s face it, even the strongest of men need a little help sometimes. With suicide and overdose rates on the rise, I think it’s necessary for our survival. What do you think?